Category: friendships

cheers to the good, cheers to the release

Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

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We were temporary
Momentary
Yet I miss every little thing about you
The good things
The things that made me feel
Safe
Cared for
The look in your eyes like I was the only one
In the morning
The way you would wrap me up
Pull me as close as you could
Make me feel secure
Safe
Your nose against mine
Your kiss on my forehead
Neck
When you thought I was sleeping
Your sweet smile
Not knowing the entire time it was empty
On your behalf
Not listening to those who said
“he’ll never change”
Hearing the words that tore me down
Pushed me away
Feeling weak yet strong
Because I saw more in you
More than you even see in yourself
I am picking up pieces from something
That never was
Picking myself up and learning that sometimes
You care for someone who will never feel the same
But to keep going
It will come and you’ll be appreciated
That it’s okay to feel
I’d rather give it all
Be broken and mending
Continue giving
And for that I’m grateful

taking responsibility 

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One of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning recently is how I come across to others, and how to make sure it’s positive. For a long time, I would think, “sorry if they don’t understand my sarcasm or this or that…it’s not my fault they got offended.” Which is a crappy, crappy way of thinking. I would make excuses or not even realize I was saying anything hurtful.

There’s been such a stigma placed around feelings…having them, expressing them, showing them…heaven forbid you make someone uncomfortable by any of this. It’s turned into the fault of the person with the feelings instead of those who wronged them.

Lately, I’ve been mending a friendship in which I was the one hurting the other person. I wasn’t listening like I should’ve been and I was taking things out on a friend who cared about me. It wasn’t intentional, but I took ownership of my jerk behavior and things have gotten better. Had that person not spoken up, I may not have ever realized how much hurt I was causing.

Just recently, I dealt with this on the receiving end. I was told by someone I really care for, “sorry you got your feelings hurt.”

No, I didn’t “get” my feelings hurt.

Your actions hurt my feelings.

Taking responsibility for how we treat others seems to be lacking these days. We do what we can to remove ourselves from responsibility in order to not feel bad about it. All this does it hurt people more. I’m grateful that I have the capacity to love people, even when they hurt me, but also know when I’ve done all I can do.

If someone in your life isn’t treating you well, then speak up. If they truly care, they will accept it and you can work through it together. Not everyone knows when they’re hurting another person. What really matters is how they respond when you tell them.

Louis C. K. gets it, so you should, too.

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”

“When someone opens up and reveals that they have been hurt by you, they are being vulnerable. It’s not always easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, and if someone tells you that you’ve hurt them, the least you owe them is your respect and acknowledgment of their pain. The worst thing that you can do is make them feel bad for opening up to you, make them feel like they’re the one who did something wrong, or tell them that you didn’t actually hurt them. You don’t know their feelings. If they’re telling you that you hurt them, then you hurt them. Accept this and apologize.”

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lead with love 

Jocelyn Coffman1 Comment

Mercury is in retrograde and I have never felt it as much as I have this time around. Nearly every person I talk to is going through dark days, unsure of why it’s happening or how to fix it. One thing after the other has been tearing me down. I’ve felt alone, no matter what company may be around. When I did reach out to someone, I only felt rejected and inadequate. I was being “annoying” and that made me feel so much worse. Being vulnerable and confiding in someone is so hard and when you don’t feel accepted, it’s even harder.

But I know this, it has to get better. At some point, when you’ve learned whatever you’re supposed to from the shit thrown at you, it will get better.

Please know that how others treat you has nothing to do with you, and be aware of how you’re treating those around you. I’m constantly reminding myself of both these things.

There is a full moon coming up and with that, Mercury is about ready to calm the hell down. All of the exhausting mental activity and doubts will finally come to a resolve if you allow them to. It may not end how you’d like, but it will be for the best. Full Moons create closure and bring things to another level. Allow yourself the closure you need to progress.

“When we are thrown to the wolves it’s only a matter of time before we come back leading the pack.”

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Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

 
i’ve seen this so many times and as much as it makes me laugh it also hits home on another level.

as i’ve said before, i’m an empath and a fixer. i care deeply for others even if i’ve known them for a short time. i can see their potential for greatness and it’s hard when they’re looking through blurred eyes, unsure of what they actually deserve.

i was recently asked by someone, “why are you so nice to me?” it was kind of in passing and the conversation went on to something else, but all i could think was, “why wouldn’t i be as nice to you as i can be? do you not know you deserve that?”

oddly enough, that person hasn’t been as nice to me as of late and it’s been interesting sorting through those emotions.

i was unknowingly forcing something because i thought i saw potential. maybe there was potential, but nothing in life can be one sided. there are so many reasons why things happen and why people come into your life. there are cop outs and excuses for why things don’t work. but that’s all they are. if something is good then it’ll work. it doesn’t make you doubt or bring negativity into your headspace. no forcing, replaying, questioning or analyzing will be necessary.

let things play out how they’re supposed to but also set boundaries.

you deserve to be happy and loved in the purest, most uplifting form without the weight of past mistakes or baggage getting in the way. i’ve written about toxic things before, but it’s something that affects everyone so i’m going to touch base on it again. we must know when something is toxic and when to let it be. it could be years in the making or something you just came across, but sometimes we must walk away. i know too many people who are surrounded by toxic people or things but are unable to release themselves. forcing something for the sake of comfort or familiarity isn’t comfortable at all. you can love someone and have a history with them, but if the history is filled with negativity, then it’s just not worth it. whether they are romantic or platonic, relationships aren’t supposed to be that difficult. ups and downs, yes, but manipulating and hurtful words, no.

learning to accept when something is no longer good for you is heartbreaking at times, but i hope we’re all able to see our self-worth and move forward to better things. the sooner we’re able to do this, the more time we have to be completely happy.