One of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning recently is how I come across to others, and how to make sure it’s positive. For a long time, I would think, “sorry if they don’t understand my sarcasm or this or that…it’s not my fault they got offended.” Which is a crappy, crappy way of thinking. I would make excuses or not even realize I was saying anything hurtful.
There’s been such a stigma placed around feelings…having them, expressing them, showing them…heaven forbid you make someone uncomfortable by any of this. It’s turned into the fault of the person with the feelings instead of those who wronged them.
Lately, I’ve been mending a friendship in which I was the one hurting the other person. I wasn’t listening like I should’ve been and I was taking things out on a friend who cared about me. It wasn’t intentional, but I took ownership of my jerk behavior and things have gotten better. Had that person not spoken up, I may not have ever realized how much hurt I was causing.
Just recently, I dealt with this on the receiving end. I was told by someone I really care for, “sorry you got your feelings hurt.”
No, I didn’t “get” my feelings hurt.
Your actions hurt my feelings.
Taking responsibility for how we treat others seems to be lacking these days. We do what we can to remove ourselves from responsibility in order to not feel bad about it. All this does it hurt people more. I’m grateful that I have the capacity to love people, even when they hurt me, but also know when I’ve done all I can do.
If someone in your life isn’t treating you well, then speak up. If they truly care, they will accept it and you can work through it together. Not everyone knows when they’re hurting another person. What really matters is how they respond when you tell them.
Louis C. K. gets it, so you should, too.
“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
“When someone opens up and reveals that they have been hurt by you, they are being vulnerable. It’s not always easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, and if someone tells you that you’ve hurt them, the least you owe them is your respect and acknowledgment of their pain. The worst thing that you can do is make them feel bad for opening up to you, make them feel like they’re the one who did something wrong, or tell them that you didn’t actually hurt them. You don’t know their feelings. If they’re telling you that you hurt them, then you hurt them. Accept this and apologize.”