a christmas reunion

this christmas is already turning out to be one for the books.

my entire life there has been this empty feeling inside not knowing my father or his side of the family. luckily, i have my mother and our amazing family i’ve been loved by since day one. still, that curiosity has always been there, in the back of my mind.

i have random memories of him (which is crazy because i was about 2 the last time i saw him) and a home video from christmas that year. other than that, i haven’t seen him since and knew nothing about him other than his name.

on my 16th birthday, as my best friend and i were working at the community pool, we pulled out the phone book (probably the last time i used one) and searched for his name.

we found it.

within a few minutes, i was talking to my biological father and learning about my family, including my brothers, matt and jacob, and sister, morgan. i can’t remember what else we talked about, but it blew my mind. a few days later, as my friend and i were driving to jonesboro, my phone rang and it was my brother, matt. we ended up meeting him and his girlfriend, ashley. i haven’t seen them since, but ashley and matt married and i have two adorable nephews, brooks and beck. we would randomly keep in touch, but moving to utah hindered us seeing each other.

as time went on this would be something i wouldn’t talk to many people about. i’m not sure why, really. it could be because i didn’t know where to begin or what to say. or maybe i wasn’t wanting to accept it. either way, it’s just been something i’ve kept to myself. with that being said…

flash forward to saturday, december 19th.

after hearing from him on thanksgiving and unable to meet him, i talked with my father and told him i was interested in meeting with everyone. he was so happy and more than willing. then, last night as i was driving the 3+ hours from fayetteville to my hometown, i decided to see if he would want to meet when i went through harrison. he did. and we did.

i can’t explain how it felt because i think i’m still in shock.

it’s a very surreal thing to think about. having this entire side of the family you’ve never known and who has never known you, but i’m grateful.

so, thanks to those who have listened to me freaking out over the last couple days, even if you didn’t know what to say. it’s definitely shown me who is there and who cares, and for that i’m grateful.

it seems like i’ll be meeting a few others this week, so we’ll see how it all goes haha.

until then, here’s a photo of my father and me, 27 years later.


merriest christmas to you and yours



I often think about how much I took my childhood for granted. Growing up in the South is a blessing not everyone gets to experience. Southern thunderstorms and summers at the river are what I long for. I hope I get the chance to move back one day, and to show my future family what it’s like. I miss simpler times where I wasn’t in such a rush. I remember when all I had to do was worry about which pool I was going to during the summer and how late I could stay out before mom got mad. I had some of the best friends a girl could ask for, and although we haven’t kept in touch all that much, I still think about them almost every day. There’s nothin’ better than the South and it took me leaving to realize that.

Christmas in the South

Yesterday I bought tickets for Chris and I to go to Arkansas for Christmas. I don’t think I’ve been this happy in awhile. There’s nothin’ like a southern holiday and I’m so glad Chris finally gets to experience one. This will probably be the craziest Christmas, though, considering we’ll be flying from Salt Lake to Little Rock…for a week…then from Little Rock to Carmel, CA for about 5 days. Doesn’t sound too relaxing, but it will be the best Christmas in about 3 years. I’m so excited to see all of my family! I saw some of them at the beginning and end of the summer, but it was a very short visit each time. Also, my best friend, Sasha, is having a baby in a few days and I can’t wait to meet Harper when I go home! I am looking forward to all the goodness Arkansas has to offer, and to seeing old friends and family. Just a couple months!