mountains

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if one quote could sum up this year it is this:

“these mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb”

how often do we hold on and fight without realizing we’re fighting against nothing? the things we’re holding on to have let go long ago and we are drowning ourselves in our own pride, afraid to fail and barely staying above water. i’ve written about letting go before but there is always something to let go of, don’t you think? i fell in love, fell apart, and fell back together in so many ways over the last 12 months. i brought things into this year that should’ve been left in the year before. i thought i knew what rock bottom was until i was actually there and i’ve spent the last 5 months digging myself out.

i can say that i am leaving this year as a completely different version of myself than how i entered.

turning 30 has shown me how much age doesn’t matter. how i can still call my mom crying, wishing she could fix everything with a band-aid. that you still get crushes and get crushed. that you don’t have everything figured out when you think you will. above all, it has shown me that not everyone is on your side and will stick by when it all falls apart. and that’s okay.

30 has been the perfect year to redefine my close circle.

you will not be understood by everyone, but man did i spend a lot of time trying to make people understand. to sympathize. to be there. when those people were temporary and never supposed to stay to see me at my best. the ones who immediately tear you down or question you, instead of lifting you up and believing in you, those are the temporary ones…meant to stay for a lesson but not a lifetime.

forcing things, relationships, jobs, etc. not aligned with your vision will never work out.

so stop carrying it all,
stop trying so damn hard,
and lay down the mountains.

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fresh starts, fresh goals

I recently joined the team at Luxe Beauty as Salon Manager. I’ve been taking leaps of faith in life, work and school decisions as of late, and I’m so grateful to be surrounded by such positive, motivating people. I’ve never had such an instant connection in an interview and everything just lined up perfectly. I can’t wait to continue growing as a person and employee as well as learning from amazing people as I work towards becoming an aesthetician. Life is good and you attract what you put out. Here’s to pushing myself to be better and do more.

LUXE BEAUTY
339 N West Ave #105
Fayetteville, AR 72701
479.582.3800
@luxefayetteville

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taking responsibility 

One of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning recently is how I come across to others, and how to make sure it’s positive. For a long time, I would think, “sorry if they don’t understand my sarcasm or this or that…it’s not my fault they got offended.” Which is a crappy, crappy way of thinking. I would make excuses or not even realize I was saying anything hurtful.

There’s been such a stigma placed around feelings…having them, expressing them, showing them…heaven forbid you make someone uncomfortable by any of this. It’s turned into the fault of the person with the feelings instead of those who wronged them.

Lately, I’ve been mending a friendship in which I was the one hurting the other person. I wasn’t listening like I should’ve been and I was taking things out on a friend who cared about me. It wasn’t intentional, but I took ownership of my jerk behavior and things have gotten better. Had that person not spoken up, I may not have ever realized how much hurt I was causing.

Just recently, I dealt with this on the receiving end. I was told by someone I really care for, “sorry you got your feelings hurt.”

No, I didn’t “get” my feelings hurt.

Your actions hurt my feelings.

Taking responsibility for how we treat others seems to be lacking these days. We do what we can to remove ourselves from responsibility in order to not feel bad about it. All this does it hurt people more. I’m grateful that I have the capacity to love people, even when they hurt me, but also know when I’ve done all I can do.

If someone in your life isn’t treating you well, then speak up. If they truly care, they will accept it and you can work through it together. Not everyone knows when they’re hurting another person. What really matters is how they respond when you tell them.

Louis C. K. gets it, so you should, too.

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”

“When someone opens up and reveals that they have been hurt by you, they are being vulnerable. It’s not always easy to admit that you’ve been hurt, and if someone tells you that you’ve hurt them, the least you owe them is your respect and acknowledgment of their pain. The worst thing that you can do is make them feel bad for opening up to you, make them feel like they’re the one who did something wrong, or tell them that you didn’t actually hurt them. You don’t know their feelings. If they’re telling you that you hurt them, then you hurt them. Accept this and apologize.”

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lead with love 

Mercury is in retrograde and I have never felt it as much as I have this time around. Nearly every person I talk to is going through dark days, unsure of why it’s happening or how to fix it. One thing after the other has been tearing me down. I’ve felt alone, no matter what company may be around. When I did reach out to someone, I only felt rejected and inadequate. I was being “annoying” and that made me feel so much worse. Being vulnerable and confiding in someone is so hard and when you don’t feel accepted, it’s even harder.

But I know this, it has to get better. At some point, when you’ve learned whatever you’re supposed to from the shit thrown at you, it will get better.

Please know that how others treat you has nothing to do with you, and be aware of how you’re treating those around you. I’m constantly reminding myself of both these things.

There is a full moon coming up and with that, Mercury is about ready to calm the hell down. All of the exhausting mental activity and doubts will finally come to a resolve if you allow them to. It may not end how you’d like, but it will be for the best. Full Moons create closure and bring things to another level. Allow yourself the closure you need to progress.

“When we are thrown to the wolves it’s only a matter of time before we come back leading the pack.”

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