mountains

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if one quote could sum up this year it is this:

“these mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb”

how often do we hold on and fight without realizing we’re fighting against nothing? the things we’re holding on to have let go long ago and we are drowning ourselves in our own pride, afraid to fail and barely staying above water. i’ve written about letting go before but there is always something to let go of, don’t you think? i fell in love, fell apart, and fell back together in so many ways over the last 12 months. i brought things into this year that should’ve been left in the year before. i thought i knew what rock bottom was until i was actually there and i’ve spent the last 5 months digging myself out.

i can say that i am leaving this year as a completely different version of myself than how i entered.

turning 30 has shown me how much age doesn’t matter. how i can still call my mom crying, wishing she could fix everything with a band-aid. that you still get crushes and get crushed. that you don’t have everything figured out when you think you will. above all, it has shown me that not everyone is on your side and will stick by when it all falls apart. and that’s okay.

30 has been the perfect year to redefine my close circle.

you will not be understood by everyone, but man did i spend a lot of time trying to make people understand. to sympathize. to be there. when those people were temporary and never supposed to stay to see me at my best. the ones who immediately tear you down or question you, instead of lifting you up and believing in you, those are the temporary ones…meant to stay for a lesson but not a lifetime.

forcing things, relationships, jobs, etc. not aligned with your vision will never work out.

so stop carrying it all,
stop trying so damn hard,
and lay down the mountains.

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