As humans, I believe we are innately negative, always quick to criticize and kick ourselves when we’re most vulnerable. In all things there must be a balance of forces, energies, etc. If we are the negative, then what is the positive? In my eyes the balance is the universe and nature. I am most happy and at peace when I am outside soaking in the replenishing sunlight or enjoying the white, crisp beauty of winter. Even the calming stillness of the night comforts my weary mind. Sitting on this porch right now I can see all the colors changing around me. This is much like myself. I’m working towards this transformation and understanding of the person I am supposed to be. As the leaves transform so do my thoughts and personal expectations. Now is the time for me to let go of all that has been holding me back: fear, resentment, doubt, and uncertainty. With the passing of summer and color comes the passing of the things that were a hindrance in me moving forward. For me, the winter months are a time of reflecting and rebuilding. Preparing you for the next phase of life. I will seek shelter and comfort in myself because I know I’m capable of it. I am strong enough. I have family and friends and I’m so thankful for them, but working on me is the most important. If you’re unable to let go of the weight of negativity and let the universe balance you out, then you’re not going to fully enjoy what life has to offer. A close friend recently told me that I needed to allow myself to feel and have emotions instead of shutting it all down. The more you push sadness and pain aside, the more it builds up. Feel it when it comes and allow the positive aspects of life to help you work through it. I look forward in anticipation. I have been given so many great things in life so far, and I know it will only get better. All the ebbs and flows in this life tally up to make you the person you are supposed to be. Let the bad days come, then let them go. Let them go. Stay focused on the goodness ahead and it will be there.
Yesterday I bought tickets for Chris and I to go to Arkansas for Christmas. I don’t think I’ve been this happy in awhile. There’s nothin’ like a southern holiday and I’m so glad Chris finally gets to experience one. This will probably be the craziest Christmas, though, considering we’ll be flying from Salt Lake to Little Rock…for a week…then from Little Rock to Carmel, CA for about 5 days. Doesn’t sound too relaxing, but it will be the best Christmas in about 3 years. I’m so excited to see all of my family! I saw some of them at the beginning and end of the summer, but it was a very short visit each time. Also, my best friend, Sasha, is having a baby in a few days and I can’t wait to meet Harper when I go home! I am looking forward to all the goodness Arkansas has to offer, and to seeing old friends and family. Just a couple months!
I’ve recently been very interested in water birthing. I had a friend do this a few weeks ago and she had the best experience. I like being as prepared as possible for anything, so I’ve been doing a lot of research. A few weeks ago I watched a film called The Business of Being Born which gave insight into different options available. I’m in no way getting ready to have a baby, but I do like being informed. I love the idea of a calm setting, without the chaos of a hospital room. I’m not sure if I would do this at home, but there are birthing centers in and out of hospitals. I remember being in the room when my sister was born. I was 9 and have been scarred ever since. It wasn’t until I watched the film that my nerves started calming in regards to pregnancy, labor and delivery. When talking to a friend (a nurse) about this I was telling her that I don’t think it could be worse than when I had kidney stones. As I was watching the film I was laughing a little at how much the women in labor looked like me when I was passing my kidney stone. She asked if they gave me drugs, and after naming off the cocktail of medicine they put through my IV she calmly said, “it’s a good thing you want to do natural birth because if those meds didn’t work, then an epidural isn’t going to do anything on you.”
We’ll see what happens…someday.
This is my most favorite time of year, not because of Halloween, but because I really, really love scarves. Sadly, this won’t last too long before the snow comes in freezing us to death. Until then, I’m excited about the beginning of yummy treats, campfires, s’mores and good friends. I’m also excited because this season has marked the return of my favorite tv shows. Dexter, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars. (Looking at that list it would seem as though Dexter is definitely out of place, but it also holds a dear place in my heart.) I hope during this season you all are spending time with friends and family enjoying haunted houses, hay rides, corn mazes and candy. That’s all.