i am my own person

June 1, 2015May 21, 2016 Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

…and I will not set fire to myself to keep you warm.

I have a tendency to carry the emotions and energies of other people while simultaneously ignoring my own needs. I seek to help others, regardless of how it affects me. I’m learning that it’s more beneficial to me in the long run when I separate myself from things that aren’t creating a positive space to grow as a person. A few months ago I would’ve seen this as selfish and negative. However, I’ve realized that I don’t have to view it that way. This is something I constantly have to remind myself of. If we aren’t nourishing ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, we are doing a disservice to those we are trying to help. It’s okay to recognize and walk away from toxic relationships in your life. You don’t have to feel bad about it. There is no reason to feel bad about it. You may be holding on to people because you’re afraid of what your life will be without them, or what their life will be without you, but if you’re not building each other up then you should walk away. It isn’t an easy thing to do, but it is possible.

“The first law of nature is self-preservation. Cut off that which may harm you. But if it is worth preserving, and is meaningful, nourish it and have no regrets. Ultimately, this is true living and love of self…from within.”

Know that your self-preservation is relevant, important, and worth it.

the art of experience

April 10, 2015May 21, 2016 Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

when i left utah a little over a year ago i would’ve never thought i’d miss it. ever. i was so burnt out on life and situational problems that i just needed to leave. i didn’t plan, i just left. at the time, it was exactly what i needed to do.

i had the opportunity to spend 10 days in utah a couple weeks ago. i can’t begin to explain what i felt when i saw the mountains again. all i could do was take pictures of them – up the canyon, from the freeway, on the side of the road…everywhere. there’s something about being enveloped in nature like that – surrounded by things so much bigger than yourself – physically and spiritually.

i spent one morning alone, driving through the canyon and thinking about my life over the last 16 months. what goals have i set for myself and how close am i to reaching them? what lessons have i learned? i’m closer now than i was at the beginning, but i got stuck in the middle. having time in utah to clear my head and rededicate my mind to following through with things is what i needed.

i’ve lost friends, made new ones and realized who and what i really need in my life. there’s a lot of bullshit out there and people who aren’t helping you grow as a person or inspiring you to do great things. sorting through it can be hard because once you do it’s easy to feel like you wasted a lot of time and energy on things that didn’t really matter. luckily, there’s always some good to pull out of the experience – and as mark groves (@createthelove) said, “experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” it’s so true. you gain experiences, you learn from them, and you keep going. and there’s nothing wrong with that.

as i work on finishing school i know that arkansas isn’t where i’ll always be. i get told that maybe one day i’ll find a place where i’m happy but the thing is – it has nothing to do with not being happy. regardless of external struggles i have never felt this happy and this much myself. i know that i have so much to give as a person and when there’s nothing tying you down there’s no reason to stay in one place.

some people understand that and some don’t.
and that’s okay.
the world needs both types of people.

and no matter who you are, the experiences will continue. enjoy them no matter the outcome.

sig1

2014 • the year of letting go

December 31, 2014May 21, 2016 Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

Our past year together has been bittersweet. In the midst of all the trials, heartache and tears there was also endless smiling and laughter. When you came along I was ending a marriage and beginning a new chapter of my life. I was full of uncertainty and doubt. I spent the first few months in a haze; always doing something and being around new and old friends. I wasn’t processing through anything. It was during that time when I was with someone who opened my eyes to love again. And I fell. I fell and he wasn’t there to catch me. You see, I’ve learned that age doesn’t matter. You can be 24, 31 or 57. Everyone has their own demons and self-doubts that they’re fighting on a daily basis. They can seem to have it together in certain parts of their lives, but other areas may be a mess. After months of questioning things and trying to figure out what the hell I was doing, I succumbed to everything I had been avoiding. My demons came forward and I had to face them. I had to begin taking some sort of action or else I wouldn’t have made it. I had to begin letting myself feel. All the emotions I had suppressed needed to be accepted and worked through.

“Pain demands to be felt.”

You can’t ignore it. You can’t run from it. Sometimes you can’t just let things go…you have to sit with it a bit, feel the weight of it, then work through it. It doesn’t happen over night and I’m learning to be okay with that. We are a society of instant gratification, but when dealing with the heart, mind, and soul we sometimes have to wait it out. Patience isn’t my strong suit so I definitely struggle with this. Life will always happen. The absolutely terrible days will come, then you’ll eventually see the silver lining. The greatest thing I finally learned this year is something I’ve been told my entire life…

it’s okay to ask for help.

We aren’t meant to go through struggles alone. No one should suffer in silence, but it takes a lot to be vulnerable.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

Not knowing if other people will be there and accept your flaws is terrifying, but it’s when you’re open to the possibility of hurt that you grow the most. It’s in those moments that you receive so much more out of life. 2014, you have taught me to love wholeheartedly even if it’s not reciprocated. To help others, but also to set boundaries. Not everyone is ready to see your bare soul. What I do know is that I feel more certain about who I am and where I’m going than I have in a long time. I have clear goals and opportunities ahead that I have to take advantage of. I know I have the capability to give and receive love. The dark times have shed so much light on what’s to come, and despite the heartache I will not close myself off.

You broke my heart, opened my eyes, and showed me who I am. So thank you for all you’ve given me, 2014, but I have to let you go.

I must release you so I can release myself.

sig1

sunrise yoga // repost

May 8, 2014October 20, 2014 Jocelyn CoffmanLeave a comment

It’s two in the morning and you’re supposed to be up at five o’clock to make your way to Sunrise Yoga at an undisclosed location. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

Pushing the sleepiness aside, I got out of bed, grabbed a couple bananas and headed out.

The Yoga Deza girls and I met up with the Fayettechill gang and fellow yogis at the Smokehouse.

It was a crisp 35 degrees by the time we got to Chotkowski Gardens around 6:20AM.

That’ll wake you up.

Luckily, the sweetest lady had a spread of orange juice, coffee and tea to warm us up.

The wonderful Matthew Gibbons led us. He knew exactly how to bring light, love and fun to our chilly morning. So did the corgi pup that ran around licking everyone.

As my fingers and toes were nearing numbness I focused all my energy on that moment. Just being in the present. The birds were chirping and the sun was rising.

Beautiful people and nature surrounded me and it was amazing.

I am continually thankful for the amazing friendships I’ve been forging. All I see ahead is adventure and limitless possibilities. People who are driven to do more and make the most out of everything surround me on a daily basis. I can’t help but feed off of that energy.

I’m looking forward to this summer and amazing things in the works between Yoga Deza and Fayettechill.

If you’re not with us, then you’re missing out.