it’s been so long that my own blog seems foreign to me. do you ever get to thinking things are so good that you’ve neglected things that matter along the way? my blog is what i’ve neglected. this is my online journal. because, through everything, i’ve realized – what is the point of going through anything if you can’t share it and help others? i could easily write this down on paper and keep it tucked away…but why? the last several months have been a whirlwind. i have been on the brink of death – physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally – yet here i am, typing this to whomever wants to read it. most of the time, my blog has seemed negative to a lot of people and that’s fine. i address the reality of my life, of mental illness, and real struggles. i welcome peoples’ heartache and trials and love when they feel they can reach to me as a safe ground to discuss the inner workings of their minds. because on the other side is joy and love. i could ramble on and on but I just want y’all to know to keep going. there’s a reason i have that tattooed on my arm. keep going. we are not finished. our stories have so much more to tell. 

this is my fourth week in texas and i’m slowly wrapping my head around it. it’s hot, it’s filled with traffic, and it’s not pretty like home in arkansas. but even though coming here was very last minute, it was very much needed. mentally i’ve been back and forth almost every day sorting through my thoughts about life here. i miss the comfort of fayetteville but i needed to break out of that comfort zone. that is such a hard thing for me to do. i had to, though. i needed to push myself to become a better person. a more lovable, positive version of myself. i was not only hurting myself but taking it out on others around me. no one deserves that. it’s crazy how different i feel now. when you allow for the time to be selfish and truly focus on your own happiness, it’s amazing how much you learn about who you are and what you have to offer. i have a lot more to give than i ever truly understood, but i had to make sure i was taking care of myself first. when i began learning how to depend on myself emotionally and that i am in control of so much more than i realized, things started making a lot more sense. every relationship, whether platonic or romantic, took on a whole new meaning and i understood things on a much deeper level. i am so excited to see what this time in my life has in store. things keep falling into place when i thought everything was falling apart. sometimes it happens that way, though.

in the meantime, everyone pray i don’t have a heat stroke.