mountains

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if one quote could sum up this year it is this:

“these mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb”

how often do we hold on and fight without realizing we’re fighting against nothing? the things we’re holding on to have let go long ago and we are drowning ourselves in our own pride, afraid to fail and barely staying above water. i’ve written about letting go before but there is always something to let go of, don’t you think? i fell in love, fell apart, and fell back together in so many ways over the last 12 months. i brought things into this year that should’ve been left in the year before. i thought i knew what rock bottom was until i was actually there and i’ve spent the last 5 months digging myself out.

i can say that i am leaving this year as a completely different version of myself than how i entered.

turning 30 has shown me how much age doesn’t matter. how i can still call my mom crying, wishing she could fix everything with a band-aid. that you still get crushes and get crushed. that you don’t have everything figured out when you think you will. above all, it has shown me that not everyone is on your side and will stick by when it all falls apart. and that’s okay.

30 has been the perfect year to redefine my close circle.

you will not be understood by everyone, but man did i spend a lot of time trying to make people understand. to sympathize. to be there. when those people were temporary and never supposed to stay to see me at my best. the ones who immediately tear you down or question you, instead of lifting you up and believing in you, those are the temporary ones…meant to stay for a lesson but not a lifetime.

forcing things, relationships, jobs, etc. not aligned with your vision will never work out.

so stop carrying it all,
stop trying so damn hard,
and lay down the mountains.

sig1

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2:20

it’s been so long that my own blog seems foreign to me. do you ever get to thinking things are so good that you’ve neglected things that matter along the way? my blog is what i’ve neglected. this is my online journal. because, through everything, i’ve realized – what is the point of going through anything if you can’t share it and help others? i could easily write this down on paper and keep it tucked away…but why? the last several months have been a whirlwind. i have been on the brink of death – physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally – yet here i am, typing this to whomever wants to read it. most of the time, my blog has seemed negative to a lot of people and that’s fine. i address the reality of my life, of mental illness, and real struggles. i welcome peoples’ heartache and trials and love when they feel they can reach to me as a safe ground to discuss the inner workings of their minds. because on the other side is joy and love. i could ramble on and on but I just want y’all to know to keep going. there’s a reason i have that tattooed on my arm. keep going. we are not finished. our stories have so much more to tell. 

8.9.16

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this is my fourth week in texas and i’m slowly wrapping my head around it. it’s hot, it’s filled with traffic, and it’s not pretty like home in arkansas. but even though coming here was very last minute, it was very much needed. mentally i’ve been back and forth almost every day sorting through my thoughts about life here. i miss the comfort of fayetteville but i needed to break out of that comfort zone. that is such a hard thing for me to do. i had to, though. i needed to push myself to become a better person. a more lovable, positive version of myself. i was not only hurting myself but taking it out on others around me. no one deserves that. it’s crazy how different i feel now. when you allow for the time to be selfish and truly focus on your own happiness, it’s amazing how much you learn about who you are and what you have to offer. i have a lot more to give than i ever truly understood, but i had to make sure i was taking care of myself first. when i began learning how to depend on myself emotionally and that i am in control of so much more than i realized, things started making a lot more sense. every relationship, whether platonic or romantic, took on a whole new meaning and i understood things on a much deeper level. i am so excited to see what this time in my life has in store. things keep falling into place when i thought everything was falling apart. sometimes it happens that way, though.

in the meantime, everyone pray i don’t have a heat stroke.

sig1

fresh starts, fresh goals

I recently joined the team at Luxe Beauty as Salon Manager. I’ve been taking leaps of faith in life, work and school decisions as of late, and I’m so grateful to be surrounded by such positive, motivating people. I’ve never had such an instant connection in an interview and everything just lined up perfectly. I can’t wait to continue growing as a person and employee as well as learning from amazing people as I work towards becoming an aesthetician. Life is good and you attract what you put out. Here’s to pushing myself to be better and do more.

LUXE BEAUTY
339 N West Ave #105
Fayetteville, AR 72701
479.582.3800
@luxefayetteville

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